Sharing Your Story: A Loved One’s Perspective
National Assisted Living Week is September 8th-14th, 2024. Throughout the week, we will be sharing great insights on the holistic benefits of communal living for seniors, as well as spotlighting all the different people whose experiences are shaped by assisted living communities every single day.
Seeking senior living options is a journey that varies from person to person, but one thing we know with certainty is that the decision is never simple. In some cases, the decision to engage a senior living community comes from a family member or dear friend who is in the position of navigating such choices on behalf of their loved one. As folks consider such decisions, they are comparing and contrasting a great deal of information, all while providing tender care for someone they love. Let’s zoom in on what this experience encompasses through the eyes of loved ones and family caregivers.
Why consider an assisted living community?
“My grandmother had Alzheimer’s and, as her health declined, my family made the choice for her to live in an assisted living community. We were no longer equipped to care for her as well as she deserved.” -Meredith
There are many scenarios in which someone may find themselves considering senior living options. For some families, there are barriers that prevent in-home care, such as limited space, having young children at home to care for, or healthcare needs that are outside the scope of what can be safely done at home. For some, decreased mobility, memory care needs, and other medical diagnoses can present some real challenges to the practicality of continuing at-home care.
For others, it’s the desire for their loved one to be in a community with abundant options for an active schedule and increased socialization. Many family caregivers are also working full-time or supporting a young family. As age and healthcare needs advance and change over time, external support might be needed. Often, it can be essential.
The desire or need for assisted living is unique to every individual, and we honor each one.
A new place to call home.
Finding the right place to call home in your loved one’s next stage of life is so important. The ability to feel comfortable, confident, and safe in your decision is paramount to ushering in this next season of life.
“We were, of course, looking for affordability. Proximity was also important to us because we wanted to be able to visit often. We sought a community with good and kind people, clean facilities, and a wide variety of activities and entertainment for the residents. We also wanted to find a community with great outdoor offerings such as walking areas, bird feeders, or small garden areas for the residents to enjoy. Attention to different faith traditions, nutrition, outings, seasonal decorations, and family inclusive events made such a difference for us.” -Carol
A focused curation of activities, coupled with the intentional and individualized care of each resident, affords every family member the opportunity to exhale. Preservation of one’s dignity and autonomy are so important when looking for a senior living community.
“Finding a place where we could feel comfortable leaving our loved one and where she would be taken care of in her last days was so important to us. There are always bad stories you hear, so it was really important that we found a team that treated her with respect and dignity during the time that she could no longer care for herself.” -Meredith
It can be very overwhelming to ask lots of questions as you research living options for your loved one. The right community for you will meet your questions with grace and understanding, knowing that you have your loved one’s best interest in mind. As you wade through each element of research, touring, and decision making, you should feel confident that your questions and concerns matter.
Returning Peace of Mind.
For many, a sense of peace comes from knowing their loved one is genuinely cared for. Shifting out of the role of primary carer is complex. Empathy and individualized care go a long way toward providing peace of mind to a resident’s loved ones as they navigate this shift.
“They always treated grandma respectfully, even in delicate situations. We knew she was in more than capable hands.” -Meredith
“The staff were always responsive to us when concerns arose. They listened well and worked with us, which made things easier.” -Carol
A loved one’s ability to be at peace in this context relies heavily on the people they are working with. To be successful on behalf of the resident, community staff members have an important role to play as the bridge between family and community, creating one larger family unit in care and service of the resident. Awareness of a person’s position as their loved one’s advocate is essential to a beneficial relationship between families and senior living communities and goes a long way toward cultivating peace of mind for everyone involved.
Providing support to loved ones and family caregivers.
Having a well-equipped support system is perhaps one of the most integral needs a family caregiver or loved one has as they embark on the journey of finding the right living option for their loved one. Attentive friends can be a source of sanctuary during such turbulent times. One of the most important things a friend can lend during this challenging period of life is a listening ear.
“There are situations in life where you can’t just change or fix something. Sometimes, we don’t need you to fix things or get involved in that way; sometimes we just need our friends to provide a safe and listening ear." -Carol
Carol also encourages friends to share resources they might have if they’ve walked this path before: “If you know of resources that are truly helpful, it’s okay to share that information.” Ask your friend if they’d like more information about the community or service that you found helpful, and feel free to share a brochure or web address with them.
However, family caregivers don’t have much surplus time to search for alternative living options. Trying to balance active care for a loved one and planning next steps simultaneously is quite challenging. In her own experience, Carol found concise, informational videos to be really helpful because she could more easily watch them in those short breaks away from caregiving.
“We have such limited time to look at information, often during a bathroom break or in the middle of the night while our loved one is resting. We might only have fifteen minutes in which to digest information.” -Carol
Giving encouraging reminders is another way to show up for your friend or family member who is navigating this road. Take the time to send regular reminders that you see them, and that you know they are doing everything they can to show love and consideration to their loved one during this time.
“Just remind us that we know what’s best for our loved one. Remind us that sending them to an assisted living community doesn’t mean we’ve abandoned them or don’t care for them anymore. Sometimes, you only have limited options, and finding a home to care for your loved one may be the absolute best option for your family. Your family member will be reminded of your love, knowing that you’ve chosen the best possible way to care for them.” -Meredith
Whether you are new to this path in life, or have been walking it for some time, we hope that you will find solidarity and comfort here. Your advocacy matters. You matter. You are not alone in this.
If you are in the process of looking for the right place for your loved one to call home, please contact us today!
Special thanks to Carol and Meredith for sharing their personal stories for the purposes of this article.
National Assisted Living Week is September 8th-14th, 2024. Throughout the week, we will be sharing great insights on the holistic benefits of communal living for seniors, as well as spotlighting all the different people whose experiences are shaped by assisted living communities every single day.